Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Unsolicited Advice

On the op-ed page of today's NY Times, Tony Horowitz provides Obama with some sage advice: give up the Nicorette and start smoking again. A cigarette costs about half as much as a piece of nicotine gum. Horowitz points out, thus demonstrating to voters that he needs to economize as much as the next person. Plus, most of today's smokers are blue-collar, the demographic to which Obama must increase his appeal. Smoking would also give him an edge in Kentucky, Virginia, and North Carolina, tobacco states all. Since he quit at the beginning of the campaign at the insistence of Michelle, he could also portray himself as just a regular hen-pecked husband who didn't give in to his wife's nagging.

OK, if he takes up smoking again, what brand would be most politically advantageous? He had been a Marlboro smoker, but Horowitz feels he should change brands: Marlboro conjures images of the rugged American West, where there aren't enough voters. Horowitz vetoes Newport and Kools as feeding into stereotypes about African-Americans, and rejects Camels because of the issue of Camel Joe and children. His solution is Winstons, preferably unfiltered: manly, and the sponsor of NASCAR races.

Personally, I wish he'd take up smoking again so that he can meet more voters in intimate settings, like crevices on the side of office buildings facing parking lots, and small patios outside bars and restaurants where smokers freeze in winter and get rained on every other season. That's truly taking it to the people.


tunsie said...

honey,U know how I feel about smoking,but one possible solution is that when the presidential candidate is in the hood he should flash a pack of newport,when he is down south,maybe marlboro,other parts he should use rollies,and when he sees my girlfriend he should have a pack of marlboro lights,because everyone knows that if you smoke lights U won't die as quick as the FULL FLAVOR SMOKER.In australia the girls at the cafe would ask me.tunsie when U kiss those american girls,Do they taste like an ashtray?I luv u el.tunsie.tunsie.tunsie

SPIKE ROGAN From Easton,PA said...

Winston left NASCAR almost eight years ago. And sadly the sport went to hell. (If you could belive it was better with tobacco money)

And think of this he became "e-mail buddies" with Scarlette Johansen after quiting.

I'd give up just about anything to talk to her.

I just love how she is "amazed" he has the time to speak to her.

Anyone attracted to females would find time to talk to her.

Maybe a smoke break would give him more time to talk to her.