Thursday, June 26, 2008

Letter to the President

Dear President Bush,

Where's my economic stimulus check? It's almost July already. I know my Social Security number puts me near the end of the list, but come on. All my neighbors have been happily filling up their gas tanks and buying eggs and milk, then putting the 68 cents they have left in the bank, while my refrigerator and tank remain empty. I've been dreaming all month of taking a trip to Wal-Mart to buy a few things I don't need that have been manufactured in China. Things aren't too great around here, and I need that check to help out.

Plus, President Bush, I've been bored. I just don't know what to do with myself if I'm not spending money! I shot my wad paying for heat this past winter. I know, I know, that was thoughtless and poor planning. I should have put something aside in order to help Kohl's meet its second quarter profits. What can I say? I'm a greedy Democrat, tax and spend and all that. You taxed me; where's my check so I can do some spending? Don't you care about Kohl's? This week "novelty" t-shirts made in Malaysia are on sale for $9.99 and I can't buy one.

Hey, thank you (and your predecessors) for the continuing, decades-long support of United Fruit, though. At least bananas flown up from South America are still cheap. Your unwavering support of pharmaceutical companies has also been a great help to a couple of my neighbors who work for Merck. I don't have much of a prescription plan and had to spend $300 for some Wellbutrin a couple of months ago, but that was just me doing my part for Q1 earnings. It's all good for me in the end, right?

But I digress. I'm honestly just wondering when I'll get that check. Here I am, ready and willing to buy something. Help me out already. I'll even buy some Budweiser to do my part at keeping those nasty Belgians at bay. Sorry I posted this letter on the web rather than putting it in the mail; without my stimulus I couldn't afford the stamp.

Love,
Elucidator

5 comments:

SPIKE ROGAN From Easton,PA said...

How could anyone who dosn't look like Quaker Oats sign a letter "love" to George W.

And as for no check. The president is probaly trying to buy time before he explains the account has gone dry.

There is probaly some pesky little pencil pusher who tells his advisors "We can not write checks with no funds to back them. There is a twenty dollar fee per check!"

tunsie said...

U and I r not allowed 2 shop at wal-mart.U don't need any more shirts.U and I know this.and U don't need much gas in that scooter.U can now walk 2 work.It is less then 2 blocks away.U can put the scooter in neutral and come down the hill and see me any time.U r always welcome.I love U El.tunsie.tunsie.tunsie

Anonymous said...

We didn't get our check either. And we need it to pay the fees on the back taxes we owe. Wait....

Anonymous said...

I think I'll spend my check on tropical fruit farmed by underpaid workers in a third world country that receives aid from the USA so we can pay our farmers not to produce anything but soy and corn. Or maybe, I'll buy a few clothing items made by children in sweat shops, whose families can't afford health care in Taiwan. Maybe I'll just save my check to pay for overpriced gas here in PA next winter when I'm freezing. How far will that go? The heck with the checks. Buy local, live frugally. Eat your veggies if you can get them. Invest in solar heat. Shop at thrift stores. Put it to The Man.

tunsie said...

George W Bush.I have 3 college degrees,but I remember my mother saying U can learn a lot from CHILDREN.boy did I learn a lot in the past 3 years.If somebody is guaranteed a paycheck and u r not.and that person is a trouble maker cry baby.DO NOT join his cause,because it is your unstable pay check he is jeopardising.when someone is standing in front of u,look twice at her because the second time u look at her may not show her in the same light as the first time.hear detail painfully close because it tells you sooooooooooooo much about the person speaking those words.the word POLITICAL is garbage,what is viewed as reality now is not the same as 6 months from now.if someone lies 2 u outright,don't trust that person again.if someone calls u a liar,don't trust that person's handshake.when a restaurant opens,it should not be assumed they make good or better food.don't go 2 a restaurant if at least one of the employees doesn't like u,eat at your own risk,let me tell ya.if someone is rude 2 u once,don't turn your back 2 that person,literally.don't treat people cruelly because if u do karma will hurt you and yours 10 times as worse.I feel sorry 4 a lot of children out there.if your friend doesn't speak 2 someone,don't follow her lead because she wants u 2.she need 2 GROW UP.U don't have 2 like everybody but U do have 2 say HELLO.big people r not always jolly.I know one with anger management problems.when someone asks U why don't people like me? she is a liar she knows exactly why people don't like her.she just wants 2 see if u know 2.I thought I was smart until some of the children I've met thoght me some valuable lessons.tunsie 3x baby