Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Why I Don't Have Children

When I was 15 I went on a diet. I think I'd lost something like 20 pounds before my mother noticed. She didn't notice that I was thinner; she noticed that I was eating more fruit and that she therefore had to buy more fruit. This has become a story I've told over and over again about how self-centered my mother was.

About a month ago I noticed that my cat was looking a little thin. He's also been acting crazy for food, begging around his bowl all day, bolting the food once I give it to him. I just figured he was getting thin because he's getting older, and frankly he's always been a pig and crazed for food. I took him to the vet the other day for his annual exam and found that he'd lost three pounds in the past year. It doesn't sound like much, but he only weighed 14.5 pounds to begin with.

Naturally the vet was alarmed. Any changes in his stool? No. Increased vomiting? No. Any change in diet or amount I feed him? No. A couple hundred dollars of tests ensued. Everything came back completely normal - blood sugar, liver, kidney, pancreatic function, thyroid, all normal. As far as she could tell, there is no medical problem.

I must be inadvertently starving my cat. I'm going to feed him more for a month and take him in and see if he's gained weight. If he gains some weight, the diagnosis will be human-induced starvation. Who starves their own cat and doesn't notice? I may have to switch vets due to embarrassment.

So, the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. I've learned not only that my cat needs more food, but also that I ultimately am my mother's daughter.


TW said...

So, in other words, you've been Joan Crawfording Rufus when you should have been Sara Tayloring him? Meanie.

tunsie said...

every meal in my house was a mum took notice if u DIDN'T eat.everyone would come over,and whether they were hungry or not.mum insisted they eat.I managed 2 not gain a lot of weight by staying at the college[3] all day working or studying all the way my girfriend still smokes.tunsie.tunsie.tunsie

tunsie said...

I am allergic 2 cats,my PROSTITUTES know this as they stay away from cats.but that doesn"t make starving them okay in my book. I don"t discriminate. homie don"t play P.S. my girlfriend smoked 5 cigs on saturday nite

Elucidator said...

Actually, TW, I thought Rufus was Karen Carpentering, and it turns out it was just me, Claus Von Bulowing.

And Tunsie, no one cares how much your girlfriend smokes. Seriously.

Just Asking said...

Finally got to read about you starving that poor innocent cat. Oh my, I can tell you that no human child would have ever allowed you to get away with that and no human child would have consented to go to the doctor for a weight loss issue. A human child would ask where are the Fritos? Not meow meow meow!! I hope that Brody is getting his fair share at the feed-bowl!