Thursday, August 14, 2008

Mastering the Art of Losing

A definite sign of growing old is turning to the obituaries first thing every morning to see who's died. I haven't reached that age. I'm old enough that having a contemporary pass away is sad and untimely, but not horrifyingly shocking. When I found out yesterday that a friend's brother had been killed in a car crash I felt surprise, disbelief, and sadness for her family's loss. I've spent the past decade living with death, so I can relate to how she must feel: my father, the two aunts I was closest to, my cat, my dog, my mother, all succumbed after an illness.

Getting older means learning to live with death, first the death of loved ones and finally your own. It's hard, but we do it, and then the process becomes easier each time. When someone dies young it feels harder to take because we aren't prepared for the loss, especially if there's been no illness, no struggle, no period to adjust to the inevitable.

When something ends - a life, a relationship - we mourn the loss of a future that we thought we'd been promised, a future that we had forseen. Mourning ends when we finally awaken to find that we see a future that doesn't contain the person who has been lost. I've learned to get to that place. My friend will learn, as well.

1 comment:

tunsie said...

I luv u, not because you're my favorite girl in the whole wide world,but rathar because i know the passing of your friend's[who is a beautiful person inside and ouside as well in her own right]brother will spark memories of loss in your own life.we who r parentless r exposed and vulnerable 2 harshness much more than the lucky ones with just one parent{they act as buffers].the PROCESS of death is as much 2 life as birth,the only difference is when u r born u r with somebody,when u die u r alone[not with a loved one when u pass],LIFE is a constant learning process until death occurs.some of us choose 2 learn the hard way rather the what is easy 2 see.relationships r similar in that the death is a PROCESS.one person says I think i can do better.and the realization is that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.the moral of the story is u don't know what u have until it is GONE.MY friends who also is a psychologist{Clinica] tells me some people have GUILT and they can't handle someone who is good 2 them.they need someone 2 treat them bad.I can't figure it out,but some things r left as a GIVEN.I LUV U EL>xoxoxxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxxo....tunsie.tunsie.tunsie