Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Scary Women

It's not hard to find disturbing content on TV. The nightly news, Bush speaking about anything, Gray's Anatomy, disturbing, all. Perhaps the most disturbing thing on TV right now, though, is a show that previously had been a guilty pleasure, a show that I used to watch because it made me laugh, a show that was once seemingly innocuous. That show is The Real Housewives of Orange County, and if you want to see how vapid, how cruel, how stupid a bunch of adult women can be, you must tune in Tuesdays at 10 on Bravo (although you can catch "marathons" of the show almost any day of the week, so don't worry if you have other plans Tuesday nights).

The five featured women are supposed to be rich, and it's supposed to be a glimpse into the Botoxed and carefree lives of people who live in a gated community in the Republican capitol of the West. Naturally they're all slaves to plastic surgery, shopping, and chardonnay. Nothing disturbing there. What's become clear this season, though, is that they're slaves to their own basest instincts. These women hate each other, and enact their hatred in front of the camera week after week. Watch this show to learn how not to be.

Last night Tamra, who believes she is the "hottest" housewife, held a formal dinner party in her backyard. Said party involved many courses, but also a lot, a lot, of alcohol. There's a new "housewife" this season, Gretchen. Gretchen is 30, well-groomed, and has a millionaire fiancee who happens to be dying of cancer. Tamra hates Gretchen. She's jealous. So, she spends the whole dinner party plying Gretchen with shots of tequila. After all, what's a formal dinner without shots of tequila? Tamra's husband and 22 year-old son help in the plot to get Gretchen drunk. Tamra tells the camera it's her intent to get Gretchen "naked drunk" so that everyone can see her "dark side."

Gretchen, meanwhile, has just spent the day in the hospital with her dying fiancee. I know what it's like to watch someone die. Sometimes getting drunk is the only way to help yourself forget that particular painful reality. Gretchen gets drunk. Tamra's son sits next to Gretchen, leers, eggs her on. Tamra makes sexual innuendo about Gretchen to the other guests. The other guests try to take alcohol away from Gretchen, but Tamra's husband and son keep slipping her more. Finally, Gretchen is so drunk she's slurring and out of control. Tamra won't let anyone give her a ride home, insisting she stay the night. The episode ends with Tamra's son following Gretchen into the bathroom, asking for a hug. Gretchen rebuffs him, saying she's engaged. Her persists nonetheless. It's all "to be continued."

Last week, the group all went to the racetrack, where Tamra and her co-conspirator Vicky shunned the other housewives, acting like eighth graders in the junior high cafeteria. Two weeks ago, the "gang" all went to Havasu, got drunk while their young children watched, and spent the episode talking trash about one another. I know I'm not making the show sound fun. It's no longer fun; it's simply the most disturbing thing on TV.

It's a trainwreck. You want to turn away, but you can't.


S said...

This is why I avoid Happy hour.

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

Is "Getchen" the one with the old dude that is involved in the Indy Racing League and they went to the Indy 500?

Thats about all I know aside from the fact NONE are as hot as they think.

I've seen hotter girls that go to Lafayette at the WaWa in sweats at 2am than these gold diggers.

This show is like the Steven Wright joke "My buddy got money and married a trophy wife. Only she wasn't the prize for first place."

Seriously these bussiness dudes in Orange County could stand a lesson from former Met and Iron Pigs pitcher Chris Benson. Get the HOTTEST stripper at the club not the one who makes $4.75 for their dance.

I know very shallow of me to state that. BUT I doubt I'm any worst than these "Real Housewives".

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...


I've seen Lafayette students that are hotter than these golddiggers, at 2am in sweats.

Elucidator said...

Yes, Gretchen is the one with the old dude who made his money through something having to do with cars, hence their visit to the Indy 500. No, none of them are "hot." They're just mean.

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

They all think their hot.

And not to be too rude. But Gretchen is no way just 30. More like 40. Or maybe she drank a ton of that milk with the growth hormones.

I'd love to see "Real Housewives of Plainfield Township". Watch the ladies inseminate cows, talk about "MUST SEE TV"! lol

Maybe Bravo should have called it "Tina Fey's Mean Girls, grown up"

tunsie said...

i refuse 2 comment.i know a trap when i see it,besides that if i were 2 divulge just 5 percent of the trash that some of these grown women said about one another,world war 3 would commence.ray charles is blind and dead and he could see that baby.over and out tunsie.tunsie.tunsie