Monday, October 6, 2008

Why I Don't Have a Rec Room

I wish I liked football. I do like tennis and baseball, so it's not an aversion to sports in general, and I've tried to like football, I really have. I can watch a game on occasion, but I just can't get into it. I wish I liked football because it seems like a nice way to take up a fall Sunday.

If I liked football, I could hang out in bars Sunday afternoons. I'd have an excuse to drink beer and eat chicken wings. Or I could sit in a rec room somewhere with a bunch of guys drinking beer and discussing all the mistakes the coaches are making. If I liked football, I could eat a lot of chips. Nachos, even. If I liked football, I could wear a team jersey and scream at the TV.

Football games are now played a bunch of nights each week. If I liked football, I could sit in bars Sunday, Monday, and Thursday nights, chugging the Coors Lite pint specials. If I liked football, I could hate Tom Brady. Or I could love Tom Brady. If I liked football, I could care one way or another about Tom Brady rather than sitting here wondering what all the fuss about Tom Brady is about, anyway.

If I liked football I could care about the weather in Chicago and Green Bay. I could buy a foam finger. I could tolerate John Madden. If I liked football I wouldn't mind having to watch parts of games every Sunday evening waiting for 60 Minutes to finally begin. I would never point at my TV and exclaim, "Why are you showing the overtime of this stupid game! Get to the Condoleeza Rice interview already!" On the other hand, if I liked football maybe I'd never have to suffer through Andy Rooney again.

Most importantly, if I liked football I'd have something in common with what feels like 85% of this country and 99.8% of the guys I know. If I liked football, I'd automatically have something in common with nearly every other American. Ultimately, if I liked football, I'd be qualified to be Vice President.

4 comments:

Sandy said...

I don't like football either. Let's form a support group.

tunsie said...

If i catch you going 140 mph.you r going 2 b in big trouble young lady.punished punished in the chair.4 forty minutes timeout.tunsie.tunsie.tunsie

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

I love football. But I can not take Madden.

If my team is not playing sunday night. I never watch.

Its not just you, the guy is annyoing. But his video game has been so huge he will never go away now.

Scott Gunsaullus said...

You ever wonder why every place in America that serves alcohol and also has a television, will, 90% of the time, have that television tuned to sports. The other 10% have them tuned to cable news.

In the public space, it seems that news is becoming an outlier, only turned to in a time of absolute crisis. On 9/11, every bar in America was tuned to CNN.

It's not that I don't understand why sports are king. I just resent it. In our culture, they have become the only common denominator (not necessarily the lowest). Watching sports does not require thought or critical thinking.

Between observers, the only communication that is sometimes required is a show of allegiance. We vicariously cheer, when someone scores, or doesn't score, or places first, or crashes and burns. In our time, sports are the only event that we can seem to follow as a nation, perhaps because it is the only thing on offer.

I like movies, especially science fiction. Despite its stigma as geek domain, it's a great medium for confronting a wider audience with hardcore social and philosophical issues. It's nice to go to a crowded theatre and watch something like the Matrix.

I wish I lived in some bizaro world where the default TV choice at your local bar is the Sci-Fi channel. "Hey is that 'the Day the Earth stood still'?"