Every Day's a Dog Day

It's been a lax week here at Synthetic Culture Worldwide Headquarters Unlimited. I've been strengthening my forearm and wrist for skeeball, improving my fried food tolerance, and watching Brody chase frogs around the swimming pool. How could I possibly have time to post? I'm out of here for a long weekend tomorrow morning, but I'll be back Tuesday with all the news from South Jersey, an even better suntan, and a bathing suit full of sand. Have a good weekend, one and all...

Fun Haus

In distance, the Funnel Cake Haus was about 150 yards from our parking spot in Parkingplatz Haus. Measured by time, funnel cake could have been mine within two minutes of disembarkation. I'll be fair and point out that we happened to be parked by the entrance to the Kutztown Folk Festival that led right to a village of fried food hauses; some visitors might have a slightly longer trek in search of funnel cake.

I really wanted to eat at the Hinkle Haus just because I liked the name, but that was one of the hauses selling complete all-you-can-eat Pennsylvania Dutch meals for twelve bucks, and I couldn't do that to myself at lunch on an 85-degree day. I settled for a deep-fried hot dog at one of the Weiner Hauses, while my friend enjoyed a brat from a Bratwurst Haus. I also had some birch beer from the Bier Haus, as well as one of those lemon drinks from the Limon Haus.

The highlight of the day way probably the Petting Zoo Haus, where I communed with some cute baby goats. I've always wanted some goats just because I think it would be fun to watch my dog cavort with them, but Goat Hauses aren't allowed in my city. Petting Zoo Haus also featured some ducklings, and a couple of pigs young enough to still be cute. And also a bunch of terrified children whose mothers insisted they attempt to feed the baby animals; petting zoos and the terror they inspire seem to be something that each generation must inflict on their young.

Otherwise I'd have to say I spent ten bucks to enter a huge Gift Haus. The Festival does have several entertainment tents, and I did watch a folk band playing some cool bluegrass/polka mash-up (and said band featured a nine year-old playing a mean fiddle), a glass blowing demonstration, and found out where I can learn to speak Pennsylvania Dutch, but in the main this was essentially a large Haus of Crafts.

So, I walked by Haus after Haus selling hex signs, straw hats, canned preserves, and woodwork. I helped to stimulate the PA Dutch economy by buying a piece of jewelery at the large Craft Haus (the one located right next to Farmer's Market Haus). In the end, I was happy get back into the car and return to my own haus.

I have only one regret: the Festival features a daily re-enactment of a PA Dutch execution. No, I'm not kidding. There at the edge of the fairgrounds was a gallows and a hearse, and a sign that, to my disappointment, didn't say "Death Haus" but instead said, "The Hanging of Suzanna Cox." They hang her three times a day, but we missed it. Now I'll never know if the execution becomes PA Dutch because they put an apple in her mouth.

till Tuesday

I've had a busy couple of days finishing the editorial for what will be the last issue of my magazine produced under my direction. Yep, I sold it. Yep, I need to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Yep, I'm not worrying about any of that just yet. At any rate, I haven't posted the past few days because I've been working. Tomorrow, some kitsch: I'm off to the Kutztown Folk Festival, which for some reason I've never before attended. Here's the question of the hour: approximately how many feet from the car will I have to walk before encountering the first piece of funnel cake?

I'll be back Tuesday with the answer.