Thursday, February 5, 2009

Sex Ed, Part One

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask was written in 1969 by a psychiatrist, and shows it. It's not a book anyone would turn to in our more enlightened times for any real advice or edification, but it is a book everyone can turn to for some comic relief. I picked up a copy of the first edition for a buck yesterday, and have been happily educating myself ever since. I thought I'd share some highlights.

My copy fell open to the chapter entitled "Sexual Perversion." Here's all you need to know about it:

What are perverts?
Anyone who isn't interested in the penis-vagina version of sex is often considered a pervert and shunned by normal people.
This often includes such types as exhibitionists, Peeping Toms, sadists, masochists, and those with similar tastes. They are thought of as wild-eyed drooling maniacs, lusting for an innocent victim. It just isn't that way.

Why not?
First of all, pervert is an unkind and loaded word. It is derogatory rather than purely descriptive. A better word is sexual variant...

What follows is a lengthy discussion of Peeping Toms and how harmless they are because everyone likes to watch. Peeping Toms often "graduate" to become exhibitionists, who "need psychiatric treatment" but are also "harmless." However:

What about female exhibitionists?
Most of them are professionals. Strippers and topless dancers are good examples. No matter what they say, most strippers enjoy their work. They derive sexual satisfaction from displaying their breasts to large groups of men. They don't need much encouragement to display everything else...
Predictably, strippers don't get much other sexual satisfaction. They usually have trouble attaining orgasm and never find much real pleasure in genital sex.
The same holds true in general for beauty queens. Their activities have more social approval, but the game is the same. They show off their breasts, hips, buttocks and a discreet outline of the vulva (through a bathing suit) to admiring men. Miss Artichoke of 1966 has a lot in common with Bubbles LaTour and her Magic Balloons...

What are transvestites?
Transvestites are individuals who wear the clothes of the other sex. There is no prohibition against women wearing trousers, neckties, men's shirts, men's shoes, or any other item of masculine apparel. Let a man appear on the street in a skirt and blouse with high heels and he is in the hoosegow before the polish is dry on his nails. The women are just following fashion, the men are "sex perverts."

After a discussion of fetishists (who really just like to collect things and so are somewhat misunderstood) we get to the heart of the matter:

What is pornography really like?
Most pornography can be divided into two categories, visual and literary. These days most visual pornography consists of photos, all basically the same. The beginner's collection shows naked women with emphasis on the breasts and genitalia. Since all females have identical equipment, if you see one, you've seen them all. Once the dramatic revelation that women have a clitoris, vagina, labia, and breasts sinks in, there are no more surprises.
The next category of visual pornography is men and women having sexual intercourse. These pictures bring home emphatically the fact that penis and vagina somehow go together. The complete collection of this group of "dirty pictures" constitutes ninety-six separate positions, most of which are unfeasible except for circus acrobats.
When the customer tires of peering at shots of naked gymnasts, views of heterosexual fellatio and cunnilingus may provide further diversion. That's about it. Since human anatomy is well-standardized, pornography quickly becomes boring and monotonous...

What about literary pornography?
It suffers from the same fatal disease as photographs - dullness...

David Reuben, M.D. concludes the chapter by stating that because porn is boring it really doesn't harm anyone. Children shouldn't see it and should be educated by parents rather than photographs. And so concludes the tour of Sexual Perversion, 1960s-style. Tomorrow: prostitution.


tunsie said...

right now,right now u go 2 the chair and u sit punished.PUNISHED young lady and don't get up until u realize what u did wrong.where do u get this stuff....tunsie

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

They had no "Satire Porn" listed?

Here is a example of Comical Porn. It goes about 2-3 minutes before it gets graphic.

The whole plot had me in stitches!

Clearly ads for ED pills has brought new comical material for Porno.

Diane said...

Tunsie I love your responses! And thanks for putting that image of El on a chair (probably in the corner) contemplating what she did wrong, in my head. I'll laugh all day tomorrow thinking about it. Where DOES she get this stuff???

Elucidator said...

Hey, no one puts Ellie in a corner...